“I would go in the bathroom and cry, because I had no other place to escape,” said Engel. “Only it was a communal bathroom with more than one stall. One day, they came in laughing over some inside joke about me being fat. I was a lot older than these girls, they were young in their 20s. I choked back my breath and my tears till they walked out. I was so upset, I threw up in the toilet once they left. I felt better. And it was like a light went on in my head. After that, I went into the bathroom to puke a few times a day when I was upset. It made me feel better and more in control every time.”
Engel began to jam her desk with junk food and candy bars, which they would sometimes steal, and walk by her desk eating and smirking. Engel said her health eroded from the emotional distress and from the puking. Soon her coworkers figured out what she was doing in the bathroom, and her paranoia peaked listening to them laugh about the discoloration of her teeth and the smell of vomit on her. Engel developed ulcers and ultimately a stubborn case of chronic pneumonia from aspirating the vomit which led to her leaving the job.
Engel found redemption in the garden, and wound up changing fields to landscape design, musing that flowers never mock her. Her health is stellar now, she added. Engel says that it is all now bad memories and lessons learned, and the last day she ever vomited was her last day in the office.
A vicious cycle
Sasha Gaer, a physician’s assistant in private practice in Poughkeepsie, explained his belief that unemployed people have a high rate of depression, anxiety, lower back pain, as well as narcotic and benzodiazepine addictions. He said they also have chronic various orthopedic complaints as well. “It is a vicious cycle I witness with my patients all the time,” said Gaer. “The more difficulty they have finding work, the more depressed they become, and the more complacent they became about their health. It needs to be broken. Lower back pain, in my estimation, is likely the number one reason people become unemployed and seek disability. Lower back pain can come from an injury, a car accident, sports injury, poor posture or obesity. “It’s a center of gravity thing,” Gaer explained. “Obesity and poor posturing change that natural lordotic curve of the spine and make it more kyphotic which stresses the lumbar musculature.” They lose their jobs of chronic back pain, excessive sick calls, decreased work performance and that is where they cycle starts.”
Gaer said it is not exclusive to desk jockeys either. However, in regards to unemployment, many folks are not likely to have health care and have not yet become Medicaid-eligible, quickly exacerbating matters from bad to worse. Gaer said they don’t take care of themselves simply because they cannot afford to, and reminded, “bad food is cheap,”
Factor in depression, lack of self-worth and being unable to contribute to society, he said, a person may eventually develop feelings of entitlement. “Meaning someone else other than yourself has an obligation to take care of you — a.k.a. state and federal benefits,” he said.
Gaer said one of the best ways to chip away at the cause is to deal with the back pain; the best way to cure chronic lower back pain is through weight loss and abdominal toning. “Stay focused on the reason that they are unemployed and put it into perspective,” he suggested. Don’t lose self-worth, learn from your mistakes and become stronger and gain confidence.
