Suggestions for partners of problem gamblers
Do
Seek the support of others with similar problems; attend a self-help group for families such as Gam-Anon.
Explain problem gambling to the children.
Recognize your partner’s good qualities.
Remain calm when speaking to your partner about his or her gambling and its consequences.
Let your partner know that you are seeking help for your own sake because of the way gambling affects you and the children.
Understand the need for treatment of problem gambling despite the time it may involve.
Take control of family finances; review bank and credit card statements.
Don’t
Preach, lecture, or allow yourself to lose control of your anger.
Make threats or issue ultimatums unless you intend to carry them out.
Exclude the gambler from family life and activities.
Expect immediate recovery, or that all problems will be resolved when the gambling stops.
Bail out the gambler.
Cover-up or deny the existence of the problem to yourself, the family, or others.
(The source for these items is the U.S. Dept. of Mental Health & Addiction Services.)
Do you have a problem? You may have a gambling problem if:
You feel the need to be secretive about your gambling. You might gamble in secret or lie about how much you gamble, feeling others won’t understand or that you will surprise them with a big win.
You have trouble controlling your gambling. Once you start gambling, can you walk away? Or are you compelled to gamble until you’ve spent your last dollar, upping your bets in a bid to win lost money back?
You gamble even when you don’t have the money. A red flag is when you are getting more and more desperate to recoup your losses. You may gamble until you’ve spent your last dollar, and then move on to money you don’t have: money to pay bills, credit cards, or things for your children. You may feel pushed to borrow, sell, or even steal things for gambling money. It’s a vicious cycle. You may sincerely believe that gambling more money is the only way to win lost money back. But it only puts you further and further in the hole.
Family and friends are worried about you. Denial keeps problem gambling going. If friends and family are worried, listen to them carefully. Take a hard look at how gambling is affecting your life. It’s not a sign of weakness to ask for help.
